Truth be told, I get a little depressed on Halloween. I know people usually reserve their depression for the bigger holidays like Christmas or Mother's Day. Those holidays can be really hard for many reasons. But for me, it's Halloween. As soon as I turned 50, Halloween just hit different. But it's actually been a slow build-up to Halloween depression over the years. Maybe you can relate.
I used to love Halloween. As most GenXers would agree, Halloween in the 1980's was a true gift. My mom actually made most of our costumes by hand, and my sister and I would draw maps to chart our routes around the neighborhood. We would trick-or-treat both afternoon and evening, with a quick break in between for dinner. We would hit up some of the best houses twice (like the O'Neills, who gave out Drake's Cakes- thanks for the memories, O'Neills!). But things changed over time- eventually we had to give up the afternoon trick-or-treating because neighbors were no longer home during the day. Then came the age change- I wanted to keep trick-or-treating until I was 18! But the comments I received at neighbors' doors ("Aren't you a little old for trick-or-treating?") and the weird looks I got from my peers forced me into Halloween retirement. But things picked up again in my twenties, and I even met my husband at a Halloween party (I didn't know what he truly looked like until our third date, since the first two dates we were both in costume). He wrote his phone number on a Kit Kat wrapper, and I still have it to this day.
Halloween was both exhausting and thrilling when I became a teacher. The school Halloween parade was the closest I've ever felt to being photographed by paparazzi as I led my students around the school playground in full costume. Our school band played live music for us, and the parents lined up to take pictures as we paraded past them by grade level. The air in the hallway was sweet with the scent of Halloween cupcakes and treats as we all had our amazing class parties, complete with games, activities and prizes. So much fun, but soooo tiring! I left teaching in 2008, but I will never forget those days. Hats off to all of you teachers (and all of the class moms) out there on Halloween. I feel you.
The magic of Halloween returned when we had our son, although trick-or-treating wasn't as glorious as it was in the 80's, of course. But I was a homeroom parent in my son's school (actually, I was a homeroom parent every year of his schooling, from preschool through 6th grade), and I experienced those exhausting class parties from a different perspective, since I was now the one planning the games and supplying the cupcakes and prizes. I loved trick-or-treating with our son. It was so fun to find a costume for him every year, and his Grammy and Poppy would also dress up and come along for trick-or-treating.
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But what you quickly come to find out as a parent is that you don't have much time to experience the magic of Halloween with your own child. Before you know it, they grow up and they don't want to trick-or-treat with you anymore- they want to be with their friends. So you drop them off somewhere or you let them go on their own while you wait patiently (or impatiently) for their return. And then one day they don't want to dress up at all. It's no longer cool to be a kid who trick-or-treats. And then the magic is gone again.
Now I'm just a mom, hanging out on the front porch on Halloween, making chocolate martinis to share with my husband and reminiscing about days gone by. I look through all of the pictures of my son's costumes and I think, how did it all go by so fast? And I try not to be sad, and I try not to look back, and I try not to always be the one saying, "Enjoy this while you can" to all of my younger mom friends. But here I am. Enjoy this while you can.
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