My birthday just passed, and truth be told, I love my birthday month. Well, at least I used to. I'm one of those people who celebrate the whole month- I cash in on my retail freebies, meet with friends, have dinner with family. I'm all about celebrating. But as the years go by, birthdays hit different. Of course I'm happy to have made it another year around the sun, but my spark for celebration has started to fizzle. That's why I was intrigued when I changed my calendar this year (yes, I keep an old-school paper calendar on a corkboard, don't laugh), and an envelope fell out- a lime green envelope addressed in pen in my own handwriting: "Mama: Open any time in March." I didn't remember writing it, although I vaguely recalled pinning it to the corkboard where my calendar hangs. Read on and I'll tell you what the letter said, and why I think you should write yourself a birthday letter, too.
Disclosure: This post is part of an editorial section on my site called Beyond Momma where I share personal thoughts and stories. You can check out more of Beyond Momma here.
I don't recall where I got the idea to write myself a birthday letter. It might have been inspiration from the fabulous Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love and Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear (both of which I highly recommend, by the way). Elizabeth has spoken before about writing to yourself, even if it's just journaling. She encourages others to try this practice, using a voice that appeals to you (she begins letters to herself with "Dear One," which is beautiful because it has such a warm and loving tone to it). I mean, think about it- wouldn't you love to receive a letter from someone who knows and understands you completely? From someone who knows exactly what you need to hear and how it should be said? Hey, that's you! You know yourself better than anyone, even better than your own family. Are there things that you wish people would say to you? Questions you wish someone would ask? Here's your chance to write to yourself as that friend or companion you always wished you had.
Get Ready for Your Birthday Letter Writing
Before you write your birthday letter, think about what you want to say. Think about how you felt on your birthday and what you want to remind yourself the next time that special day rolls around (even if it's something like, 'Don't bring the kids with us to dinner'). I also use some fun stationary and stickers because those added touches make me happy.
What Do You Write in a Birthday Letter?
Obviously you can write whatever you want in your birthday letter, but remember to be kind to yourself. If you're writing something like, "I hope you lost those ten pounds you were trying to get rid of," or "Did you get that promotion you were after?" you might wind up making yourself feel very defeated if those goals didn't happen. It's a better idea to think of the letter as a pep talk. Really think about the things you would want to hear a year from now, and go from there. If you're still lost, think about that scene in Moana, when she sings to Te Fiti about knowing who you are (Such a beautiful scene, right? "I have crossed the horizon to find you...I know your name...They have stolen the heart from inside you...But this does not define you...This is not who you are...You know who you are."). That inspiring scene is below if you need a reminder (spoiler alert if you haven't seen the movie, though, since this is a pivotal end scene).
How to Write Your Letter
My letters usually begin with "Dear Me," because I find that funny. But you can give yourself a nickname or use a name that makes you feel happy. You can also borrow Elizabeth Gilbert's "Dear One," or a term of endearment like "Sweetheart," "Girlfriend," etc. I date the letter at the top, too, so I know when it was written. I type them on the computer and print them out, then sign them in pen, but you can hand write your letters with colorful pens or markers, too. You do you! Whatever works.
I usually tell myself what to do on my birthday, based on what I really wanted from the year before. It's not selfish to ask yourself what you want. So, do it- ask yourself what you really, really want to do for your birthday next year and write it down (within reason, of course- we all want to go to Hawaii or win a million dollars, but I'm talking realistic wishes, here). That's not to say you can't write about big dreams- it's your letter, write whatever you want. But I needed a letter that was going to lift me up on my special day and remind me of the little things I could do to make myself happy and celebrate who I am. Here's an excerpt from my first letter:
"Here's what you need to do for your birthday this year: pick a day for yourself (any day, even before your birthday) to get yourself a special lunch. Last year you got a tuna bagel sandwich and it was the best tuna bagel sandwich you ever had. Enjoy it on a day when no one is home or take it to a park to enjoy on your own. Trust me on this one."
My very first letter to myself was written shortly after my birthday. It was mostly about my first novel, which I had just published that same month. At the time I wrote the letter, I knew nothing about how the book would perform out in public. I didn't know if people would like it or if it would be a success. So I tried to be kind to myself, like this:
"I want to tell you how proud I am of you. I mean, like, hugely proud. You published your book last year. Do you remember those days in 1996 when everyone told you that you couldn't or shouldn't do it? Well, you did it. And it's an awesome book. You know it is. I don't know how the book is doing now. I hope it did well. I hope we at least sold 100 copies. But if not, don't get down about it...You are a writer. And writers write. That's what they do, no matter what- no matter how many books they sell. Keep writing. What's the point of having that gift if you don't use it? You said so yourself, remember?"
In my first letter to myself, I was very specific: "Your birthday is coming up and here's what I want you to do without question, got it? You need to go pick out a bouquet of flowers for yourself, maybe a few days before your birthday...order whatever birthday dessert you want...pick out one small thing to buy yourself...I'm proud of you. You are a good person. You are kind, you are caring. Do something to celebrate that." You get the idea!
I ended my note with positivity and love.
"I also hope 2025 was good to you. I hope you are happy. You have such an amazing life, but I know you don't need me to remind you.
Love, You."
Where to Put Your Birthday Letter
I tacked my birthday letter to my birthday month in my old-school paper calendar on a corkboard in my bedroom (so many prepositions, sorry). You should put it somewhere that you'll remember to look, yet not see it every day, if that makes sense. Specifically, the letter should be out of sight until you need it, but not out of reach. If you think you'll forget about it, put a reminder on your phone or in your google calendar for next year.
Remember What You Need to Hear
Our son will be in his first year of college when my next birthday rolls around. I don't even know if he'll be home to celebrate with us. In fact, at this moment, I don't even know where he'll be at all- he hasn't made his college decision yet. I might not know many details of what the future holds, but I know I'm going to need a shoulder to cry on without him here. I know I'm going to be adjusting as a -gulp!- empty nester. And I know that birthday letter to myself is going to mean so much.
Until next time,
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